and i don't want a perfect world.

So much as happened lately, but when I sit down to write about it I just don't know what to write. Am I the only one with this problem? NO?!? Ok, good.

OK! My first week of class was marvelous! I'm moving right along! I've learned that I love it here. Before, yes I loved college, but it was almost surreal. Like, I can't possibly be here for the next 4 years! Now, it's just becoming my life. I love the people here, the atmosphere and the creativity of what we do to pass time! There are certain things that aren't so easy, but it's definitely the tough stuff that makes us stronger! Can I get an amen?!?

On another note...

Am I the only one that fears the future?!? Like seriously!? I sometimes catch myself day dreaming about where  I will be in 5 years, even 10!  In 10 years, I will be about to turn 29 years old. NOW, in a perfect world I will be married to the most wonderful man in the world, have the most precious children I could ask for, have a super job that allows me plenty of time with all of them, live in a beautiful house, have THE clothes and THE cars, my husband would bring in the money and we'd all live happily ever after. BUT is that really what I dream of life being like? God's been workin' on me lately about the future. How I need to be competely content with HIS will. Just follow is will, simple as that! right? What if he calls me overseas to use my nursing degree for missions? What if I don't get married? What if my life is just completely different than the average american!? I've spent a lot of time talking with God about this. We all like to think "of course, whatever God calls me to do, I will do!" but it's not going to be easy. He's honestly given me a huge peace about life. He's revealed to me that my heart is in missions/ministry, I could've told you that 2 years ago. I don't want "a perfect world." I want to live my life serving Jesus. Sure! I still want to fall head over heals in love with a man that wants to live life like I do and have precious kids, but IF that's not God's plan.. I have to be content with that. I want to show students that life can be lived the God way, and that it's SO much sweeter. I want to spend time overseas nursing those in need, physically and spiritually. I want to work in a hospital and show Jesus' love to all the patients I come in contact with. and as much as I joke about it, I don't want all the money in the world, or THE house, THE clothes or THE cars. I want God. I want Him to reveal Himself through me.  I don't know what God has in store with my life, but sometimes when I start to get scared I just simply remind myself that His will is what's most important to me and He already knows what my life has instore and that ALONE should comfort me. SO WHY am I scared?

Whew. Just had to let that out.

Love.