and it's the truth.

Can I get an Amen?

xoxo.

miss you mamoo.

and it seems like a good day for a blog!

Yesterday I officially said goodbye to teenage years and hello to twenties! It sounds old, but feels great! My birthday was wonderful. Saturday night I ate with my wonderful family plus Nicole and Jake. It was just wonderful, I miss them. Then came Sunday! Went to church and had lunch there with some of my favs. Then came home and lazied (not sure if that's a word) around with Jake and Nicole watching the ever so addicting prison shows! :-) It was such a beautiful day that when Jake asked me if I wanted to go on a walk it was nothing unusual. So off we went, and I had no idea there was a surprise party being planned while we were gone. Then we went to dinner with some of my friends :) Olive Garden - yum yum! It was fun and full of laughs! We came back and I expected the boys (Jake, Pancho and Jason) to be playing a competitive game of skip bo, but I turned the handle and walked into a room full of my wonderful friends screaming "suprise!" it was happy. Lots of sweets - and lots of friends. We danced around, took pictures, watched Jake and Coley juggle, the usual. :) It was so great.

My night ended perfectly with a phone conversation with my best friend trading birthday stories and complaining about being apart for our birthdays!

So now I am 20, and it's valentines day. My second year with a "valentine" and I  love it. Cru Knights is this weekend and I might possibly be more excited for this weekend than any other weekend ever! I am so proud of those boys and love their energy and funness. I also may be accompanied by Hannah Litke and Janelle Lee. Fingers crossed. Let's do it.

Happy Valentines Day!

Xoxo.
Nicki

and I miss my mamoo.

Somedays are just tough. You know what I mean? Today, my mamoo has been heavy on my heart.  I miss her so much, some days are tougher than others. When something happens and I just want to pick up the phone and call her, then quickly realize I can't. My favorite time to call my Mamoo would be long drives. (for example, from Belton to Tolar, or Belton to Allen, etc.) The first few times I would get bored driving and want to call her up, it was tough. A few hard points in the past year: Kayla's graduation (thinking back to mine), getting into nursing school, & the holidays. I have the technique when I have a huge "I miss my Mamoo" moment. I try to think of what I have learned out of all that happened; what I can be thankful for because of this situation. It's much better than sulking I have learned. It took me a while to be able to realize anything great from this, honestly. So many months later here is what I have so far.

Kay. She is wonderful. She was my Mamoo's best friend (of course, besides Grandad!) and sister. She amazes me. Kay has always been a grandmother figure to me, even though technically she is my Aunt. She sees the good all the time, I know she misses her, but she constantly reminds us to remember the wonderful times. She knows that Mamoo would be sick if we were all moping around because of this.  I am thankful for Kay, and how much closer this has brought my family to her. She is very intentional with checking on us and loving us extra.  She knows our hurt, and shares it with us. Very biblical. (... weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15) I could go on about her all day, but just know I AM THANKFUL for KAY.

Another thing, my perspective on life. I left for college almost immeadiately after my Mamoo was diagnosed. I grew so much just from college alone, obviously. BUT it's so easy to drown in college. It's a little bubble. Eventually your studies become always on your mind, and something very easy to let take over and worry about constantly. I was SO quickly reminded during this time that there is SO much more to life than school, tests and good grades. After not studying for a final, and having to stay up all night cramming for one during the week I traveled home for Mamoo's services, and recieving a letter grade lower in two classes than expected that previous week.  I can now say "if this test is all of my problems, I have got it good." My perspective on life has changed. I am thankful for that, I am thankful that it has taught me not to worry but to have PEACE in every situation. Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.

Last thing (for now), I have learned what heartache feels like. THEREFORE I can hurt with others dealing with the same. OR REJOICE with those who conquer the fight with CANCER. Cancer has a whole knew meaning once you have been effected by it. I understand the scare, the bad news, and the pain of watching what cancer can do to someone. But, I am thankful that I can cry with those who get that scare. I am thankful I can rejoice with those who find out they are cancer free. I sometimes get selfish and ask "why couldn't that be my Mamoo." Then I just slap myself to remind me that God does have a plan that is greater than we could ever understand. God is using and will continue to use what we experienced to help give him glory. THAT I am thankful for.

Somedays are going to be harder than others, but reminding myself of what I have learned and have to be thankful for sure does help... even if it did take me a while to figure out what exactly that was.

Xoxo.
Miss you mamoo.